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Two and a Half Men

Genre: Comedy
Countries: USA,
Release Date: September 22, 2003
Year: 2003
Runtime:30 mins
IMDb Rating:

Watch the full Two and a Half Men movie online at no cost in high-definition (HD) quality. No downloads needed—simply click to play and experience the excitement with English subtitles included for your convenience.

Angus T Jones     , Ashton Kutcher     , Charlie Sheen     , Conchata Ferrell     , Holland Taylor     , Jon Cryer     , Marin Hinkle    

Two and a Half Men Seasons/Episodes

► Season 1 - Click for episodes

Episode 0 Original Pilot - 1969-12-31
Episode 1 Pilot - 2003-09-22
Episode 2 Big Flappy Bastards - 2003-09-29
Episode 3 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell - 2003-10-06
Episode 4 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap - 2003-10-13
Episode 5 The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump - 2003-10-20
Episode 6 Did You Check with the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? - 2003-10-27
Episode 7 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake - 2003-11-03
Episode 8 Twenty-Five Little Pre-pubers Without a Snoot-ful - 2003-11-10
Episode 9 Phase One, Complete - 2003-11-17
Episode 10 Merry Thanksgiving - 2003-11-24
Episode 11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor - 2003-12-15
Episode 12 Camel Filters + Pheromones - 2004-01-05
Episode 13 Sarah Like Puny Alan - 2004-01-12
Episode 14 I Can't Afford Hyenas - 2004-02-02
Episode 15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick (1) - 2004-02-09
Episode 16 That Was Saliva, Alan - 2004-02-16
Episode 17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats - 2004-02-23
Episode 18 An Old Flame with a New Wick - 2004-03-01
Episode 19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You - 2004-03-22
Episode 20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark - 2004-04-19
Episode 21 No Sniffing, No Wowing - 2004-05-03
Episode 22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet - 2004-05-10
Episode 23 Just Like Buffalo - 2004-05-17
Episode 24 Can You Feel My Finger? - 2004-05-24

► Season 2 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Back Off Mary Poppins - 2004-09-20
Episode 2 Enjoy Those Garlic Balls - 2004-09-27
Episode 3 A Bag Full of Jawea - 2004-10-04
Episode 4 Go Get Mommy's Bra - 2004-10-11
Episode 5 Bad News from the Clinic - 2004-10-18
Episode 6 The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance - 2004-10-25
Episode 7 A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana - 2004-11-08
Episode 8 Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers - 2004-11-15
Episode 9 Yes, Monsignor - 2004-11-22
Episode 10 The Salmon Under My Sweater - 2004-11-29
Episode 11 Last Chance to See Those Tattoos - 2004-12-13
Episode 12 A Lung Full of Alan - 2005-01-03
Episode 13 Zejdz z Zmoich Wlos - 2005-01-17
Episode 14 Those Big Pink Things with Coconut - 2005-01-31
Episode 15 Smell the Umbrella Stand - 2005-02-07
Episode 16 Can You Eat Human Flesh with Wooden Teeth? - 2005-02-14
Episode 17 Woo-Hoo, a Hernia-Exam! - 2005-02-21
Episode 18 It Was Mame, Mom - 2005-03-07
Episode 19 A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise - 2005-03-21
Episode 20 I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey - 2005-04-18
Episode 21 A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On - 2005-05-02
Episode 22 That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother - 2005-05-09
Episode 23 Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab - 2005-05-16
Episode 24 Does This Smell Funny to You - 2005-05-23

► Season 3 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts - 2005-09-19
Episode 2 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover - 2005-09-26
Episode 3 Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark - 2005-10-03
Episode 4 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs - 2005-10-10
Episode 5 We Called It Mr. Pinky - 2005-10-17
Episode 6 Hi, Mr. Horned One - 2005-10-24
Episode 7 Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop - 2005-11-07
Episode 8 That Voodoo That I Do Do - 2005-11-14
Episode 9 Madame and Her Special Friend - 2005-11-21
Episode 10 Something Salted and Twisted - 2005-11-28
Episode 11 Santa's Village of the Damned - 2005-12-19
Episode 12 That Special Tug - 2006-01-09
Episode 13 Humiliation Is a Visual Medium - 2006-01-23
Episode 14 Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded - 2006-02-06
Episode 15 My Tongue Is Meat - 2006-02-27
Episode 16 Ergo, the Booty Call - 2006-03-06
Episode 17 The Unfortunate Little Schnauser - 2006-03-13
Episode 18 The Spit-Covered Cobbler - 2006-03-20
Episode 19 Golly Moses, She's a Muffin - 2006-04-10
Episode 20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro - 2006-04-24
Episode 21 And the Plot Moistens - 2006-05-01
Episode 22 Just Once with Aunt Sophie - 2006-05-08
Episode 23 Arguments for the Quickie - 2006-05-15
Episode 24 That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite - 2006-05-22

► Season 4 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Working for Caligula - 2006-09-18
Episode 2 Who's Vod Kanockers - 2006-09-25
Episode 3 The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress - 2006-10-02
Episode 4 A Pot Smoking Monkey - 2006-10-09
Episode 5 A Live Woman of Proven Fertility - 2006-10-16
Episode 6 Apologies for the Frivolity - 2006-10-23
Episode 7 Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head - 2006-11-06
Episode 8 Release the Dogs - 2006-11-13
Episode 9 Corey's Been Dead for an Hour - 2006-11-20
Episode 10 Kissing Abraham Lincoln - 2006-11-27
Episode 11 Walnuts and Demerol - 2006-12-11
Episode 12 Castrating Sheep in Montana - 2007-01-08
Episode 13 Don't Worry, Speed Racer - 2007-01-22
Episode 14 That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami - 2007-02-05
Episode 15 My Damn Stalker - 2007-02-12
Episode 16 Young People Have Phlegm Too - 2007-02-19
Episode 17 I Merely Slept with a Commie - 2007-02-26
Episode 18 It Never Rains in Hooterville - 2007-03-19
Episode 19 Smooth as a Ken Doll - 2007-04-09
Episode 20 Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot - 2007-04-16
Episode 21 Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous - 2007-04-23
Episode 22 Mr. McGlue's Feedbag - 2007-04-30
Episode 23 Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-lookin - 2007-05-07
Episode 24 Prostitutes and Gelato - 2007-05-14

► Season 5 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Large Birds, Spiders and Mom - 2007-09-24
Episode 2 Media Room Slash Dungeon - 2007-10-01
Episode 3 Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo - 2007-10-08
Episode 4 City of Great Racks - 2007-10-15
Episode 5 Putting Swim Fins on a Cat - 2007-10-22
Episode 6 Help Daddy Find His Toenail - 2007-10-29
Episode 7 Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room - 2007-11-05
Episode 8 Is There a Mrs. Waffles? - 2007-11-12
Episode 9 Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids - 2007-11-19
Episode 10 Kinda Like Necrophilia - 2007-11-26
Episode 11 Meander to Your Dander - 2008-03-17
Episode 12 A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh - 2008-03-24
Episode 13 The Soil is Moist - 2008-03-31
Episode 14 Winky-Dink Time - 2008-04-14
Episode 15 Rough Night in Hump Junction - 2008-04-21
Episode 16 Look at Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty - 2008-04-28
Episode 17 Fish in a Drawer - 2008-05-05
Episode 18 If My Hole Could Talk - 2008-05-12
Episode 19 Waiting for the Right Snapper - 2008-05-19

► Season 6 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Taterhead Is Our Love Child - 2008-09-22
Episode 2 Pie Hole, Herb - 2008-09-29
Episode 3 Damn You, Eggs Benedict - 2008-10-06
Episode 4 The Flavin' and the Mavin' - 2008-10-13
Episode 5 A Jock Strap in Hell - 2008-10-20
Episode 6 It's Always Nazi Week - 2008-11-03
Episode 7 Best H.O. Money Can Buy - 2008-11-10
Episode 8 Pinocchio's Mouth - 2008-11-17
Episode 9 The Mooch at the Boo - 2008-11-24
Episode 10 He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited - 2008-12-08
Episode 11 The Devil's Lube - 2008-12-15
Episode 12 Thank God for Scoliosis - 2009-01-12
Episode 13 I Think You Offended Don - 2009-01-19
Episode 14 David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie - 2009-02-02
Episode 15 I'd Like to Start with the Cat - 2009-02-09
Episode 16 She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime - 2009-03-02
Episode 17 The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? - 2009-03-09
Episode 18 My Son's Enormous Head - 2009-03-16
Episode 19 The Two Finger Rule - 2009-03-30
Episode 20 Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau - 2009-04-13
Episode 21 Above Exalted Cyclops - 2009-04-27
Episode 22 Sir Lancelot's Litter Box - 2009-05-04
Episode 23 Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth - 2009-05-11
Episode 24 Baseball with Better Steroids - 2009-05-18

► Season 7 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 818-jklpuzo - 2009-09-21
Episode 2 Whipped Unto the Third Generation - 2009-09-28
Episode 3 Mmm, Fish. Yum. - 2009-10-05
Episode 4 Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator - 2009-10-12
Episode 5 For the Sake of the Child - 2009-10-19
Episode 6 Give Me Your Thumb - 2009-11-02
Episode 7 Untainted by Filth - 2009-11-09
Episode 8 Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. - 2009-11-16
Episode 9 Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair - 2009-11-23
Episode 10 That's Why They Call It 'Ball Room' - 1970-01-01
Episode 11 Warning, It's Dirty - 1970-01-01
Episode 12 Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste - 1970-01-01
Episode 13 Yay, No Polyps - 1970-01-01
Episode 14 Crude and Uncalled For - 1970-01-01
Episode 15 Aye, Aye, Captain Douche - 1970-01-01
Episode 16 Tinkle Like a Princess - 2010-03-01
Episode 17 I Found Your Moustache - 2010-03-08
Episode 18 Ixnay on the Oggie Day - 2010-03-22
Episode 19 Keith Moon is Vomiting in his Grave - 1970-01-01
Episode 20 I Called Him Magoo - 1970-01-01
Episode 21 Gumby with a Pokey - 2010-05-17
Episode 22 This Is Not Gonna End Well - 2010-05-24

► Season 8 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud - 2010-09-20
Episode 2 A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer - 2010-09-27
Episode 3 A Pudding-Filled Cactus - 2010-10-04
Episode 4 Hookers, Hookers, Hookers - 2010-10-11
Episode 5 The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel - 2010-10-18
Episode 6 Twanging Your Magic Clanger - 2010-10-25
Episode 7 The Crazy Bitch Gazette - 2010-11-01
Episode 8 Springtime on a Stick - 2010-11-08
Episode 9 A Good Time in Central Africa - 2010-11-15
Episode 10 Ow, Ow, Don't Stop - 2010-11-22
Episode 11 Dead from the Waist Down - 2010-12-06
Episode 12 Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead - 2010-12-13
Episode 13 Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup - 2011-01-03
Episode 14 Lookin' for Japanese Subs - 2011-01-17
Episode 15 Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak - 2011-02-07
Episode 16 That Darn Priest - 2011-02-14

► Season 9 - Click for episodes

Episode 0 Promo
Episode 1 Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt - 2011-09-19
Episode 2 People Who Love Peepholes - 2011-09-26
Episode 3 Big Girls Don't Throw Food - 2011-10-03
Episode 4 Nine Magic Fingers - 2011-10-10
Episode 5 A Giant Cat Holding a Churro - 2011-10-17
Episode 6 The Squat and the Hover - 2011-10-24
Episode 7 Those Fancy Japanese Toilets - 2011-10-31
Episode 8 Thank You for the Intercourse - 2011-11-07
Episode 9 Frodo's Headshots - 2011-11-14
Episode 10 A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes - 2011-11-21
Episode 11 What a Lovely Landing Strip - 2011-12-05
Episode 12 One False Move, Zimbabwe! - 2011-12-12
Episode 13 Slowly and in a Circular Fashion - 2012-01-02
Episode 14 A Possum on Chemo - 2012-01-16
Episode 15 The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack - 2012-02-06
Episode 16 Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy - 2012-02-13
Episode 17 Not in My Mouth! - 2012-02-20
Episode 18 The War Against Gingivitis - 2012-02-27
Episode 19 Palmdale, Ech - 2012-03-19
Episode 20 Grandma's Pie - 2012-04-09
Episode 21 Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' - 2012-04-16
Episode 22 Why We Gave Up Women - 2012-04-30
Episode 23 The Straw in My Donut Hole - 2012-05-07
Episode 24 Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! - 2012-05-14

► Season 10 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 I Changed My Mind About the Milk - 2012-09-27
Episode 2 A Big Bag of Dog - 2012-10-04
Episode 3 Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt - 2012-10-11
Episode 4 You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For - 2012-10-18
Episode 5 That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam - 2012-10-25
Episode 6 Ferrets, Attack! - 2012-11-01
Episode 7 Avoid the Chinese Mustard - 2012-11-08
Episode 8 Something My Gynecologist Said - 2012-11-15
Episode 9 I Scream When I Pee - 2012-11-29
Episode 10 One Nut Johnson - 2012-12-06
Episode 11 Give Santa a Tail-Hole - 2012-12-13
Episode 12 Welcome to Alancrest - 2013-01-03
Episode 13 Grab a Feather and Get in Line - 2013-01-10
Episode 14 Run, Steven Staven! Run! - 2013-01-31
Episode 15 Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It - 2013-02-07
Episode 16 Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby - 2013-02-14
Episode 17 Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries - 2013-02-21
Episode 18 The 9:04 from Pemberton - 2013-03-07
Episode 19 Big Episode: Someone Stole a Spoon - 2013-03-14
Episode 20 Bazinga! That's From A TV Show - 2013-04-04
Episode 21 Another Night with Neil Diamond - 2013-04-25
Episode 22 My Bodacious Vidalia - 2013-05-02
Episode 23 Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped - 2013-05-09

► Season 11 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 Nangnangnangnang - 2013-09-26
Episode 2 I Think I Banged Lucille Ball - 2013-10-03
Episode 3 This Unblessed Biscuit - 2013-10-10
Episode 4 Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank - 2013-10-17
Episode 5 Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 - 2013-10-24
Episode 6 Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants - 2013-11-07
Episode 7 Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie - 2013-11-14
Episode 8 Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. - 2013-11-21
Episode 9 Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer - 2013-12-05
Episode 10 On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! - 2013-12-12
Episode 11 Tazed in the Lady Nuts - 2014-01-02
Episode 12 Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. - 2014-01-09
Episode 13 Bite Me, Supreme Court - 2014-01-30
Episode 14 Three Fingers of Cr - 2014-02-06
Episode 15 Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin - 2014-02-27
Episode 16 How to Get Rid of Alan Harper - 2014-03-06
Episode 17 Welcome Home, Jake - 2014-03-13
Episode 18 West Side Story - 2014-04-03
Episode 19 Lan mao shi zai wuding shang - 2014-04-11
Episode 20 Lotta Delis in Little Armenia - 2014-04-24
Episode 21 Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot - 2014-05-01
Episode 22 Oh WALD-E, Good Times Ahead - 2014-05-09

► Season 12 - Click for episodes

Episode 1 The Ol' Mexican Spinach - 2014-10-30
Episode 2 A Chic Bar in Ibiza - 2014-11-06
Episode 3 Glamping in a Yurt - 2014-11-13
Episode 4 Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight - 2014-11-20
Episode 5 Oontz Oontz Oontz - 2014-11-27
Episode 6 Alan Shot a Little Girl - 2014-12-04
Episode 7 Sex With an Animated Ed Asner - 2014-12-11
Episode 8 Clockwise in Back Hole until Tight - 2014-12-18
Episode 9 Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey - 2015-01-08
Episode 10 Here I Come, Pants! - 2015-01-15
Episode 11 For Whom the Booty Calls - 2015-01-22
Episode 12 A Beer-Battered Rip-Off - 2015-01-29
Episode 13 Boompa Loved His Hookers - 2015-02-05
Episode 14 Don't Give a Monkey a Gun - 2015-02-12
Episode 15 Of Course He's Dead - Part One - 2015-02-19
Episode 16 Of Course He's Dead - Part Two - 2015-02-19